Grief ; A Personal Experience!

As I begin to write this blog its the last day of November 2023. That's how long it has taken me to write this blog. This one is very Emotional.

According to the Catholic Church traditions 2nd November is a day for commemoration of all the faithful departed. Therefore the whole month is traditionally dedicated to praying for the departed souls.

At the beginning of the month ideally you pick a paper write the names of your loved ones who have gone to be with the Lord, put it in an envelope and drop it in the designated box at the Alter. This time with tears rolling down I wrote my brother's name. 😢😭💔.

Yes on 15th October death struck my Father's house. Ooh death where is your sting.

Death. The word and its reality, unlike any other, introduces humanity to deep grief, piercing trauma, unimaginable loss & shattered hopes. 

 I remember reading the book "Grief" by Adichie Chimamanda. She lost her Father during the Covid 19 Pandemic. She says her dad was perfectly okay during their last Zoom Meeting. My brother was perfectly fine he was the least person I expected to die. I never thought as a family we would experience death this early in our lives.

A friend once told me that death comes when you least expect it. And when it happens it takes a piece of us. It reminds me of the Scripture that states "Therefore keep watch, because you do not know the day or the hour". As believers of Christ we are called to always be ready because death comes like a thief. Each day we live as if it was our last day. I remember my Mother's words that Sunday Morning Nathaniel is no more. I froze not knowing what to say or do because I knew our lives had changed.😢😢😢

And Each Year we Live the day of our death. 

Grief has its phases. And it gets harder to live through this new reality each day. And that is why I am of the idea of checking up on the family after the funeral.

I tell you news spreads quickly like fire in a bush. And all of a sudden the Text messages and phone calls start streaming in. And the visitors begin to stream in. But this is a sign of the Love others have for you. People just sacrificing their time which is very precious to just be there for you. Trust me you feel the Love & assurance that you are you not walking alone. You find yourself in the midst of 

For me & many will agree the reality hits home on the day of the funeral. I personally avoided viewing the body before the Burial date because I simply didn't know the Emotional State it would leave me in the coming days. I am not really of the idea of viewing dead bodies but a friend told me its a good way of having closure. It was the last time I was going to see my brother Nathaniel. He lay there so peaceful you would think he is just taking a Nap. I looked at him and with so much pain I cried. My brother was no more. 

And Nathaniel's final Journey to Sagana began. I always heard my dad talking about the farm in Sagana. For most of us it was my brother's death that took us to see Sagana for the first time. But now that farm is where my brother's body lays. 

I remember looking at my mum as we travelled and I was reminded of the Journey that Mary the Mother of Jesus took as she followed her son to the place of his crux fiction. I can only imagine what was going through her mind as she was going to bury her only son. 

After Nathaniel's burial, My Mother, Aunt, Sister & Myself visited he grave site it was just the four of us. I remembered the day of his burial when the place was filled with family members and friends who had come to pay their final respects. I could remember as they lowered Nathaniel's body this is where we were going to leave. I avoided looking at mother's face because I knew deep down she was in pain. As they covered the grave my mum & dad held on  to each other I guess to them this what they mean by for better for worse. Only God could understand their pain.

After the burial you have to learn to live with the new reality. Know how to live without the person. You learn to cope because it doesn't get any easier. The worst part for me is having to Introduce my brother as the late. 

And I found myself being more close to those who are in Grief because I know & I understand. All I can do is pray that they will experience the love of Christ that surpasses all human understanding. To doubts God's love during grief is very easy because you ask why he took your loved ones. But I know without a shadow of doubt Nathaniel is in a better place with his maker.

To Our Departed Brothers & Sisters, May You Rest In Perfect Peace!